You know what gets me? How so called family and friends gather around and show their “support” when someone has passed away. Whether untimely or expectedly.
But where were you when that person needed your help? When you could have made their last moments on this earth a little bit better? When you could have eased their sufferings by giving them your time, an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on?
Is the money you’re giving their family to ease the guilt you feel or…?
I’ve never understood when people say “I’m sorry for your loss”. Why? It wasn’t your fault, what are you apologising for?
Maybe I am being biased and seeing things from one perspective and would welcome the opportunity to be educated on this but until then…
Is it wrong for me to never have tried?
Is it wrong for me to not have given every Tom, Dick and Harry a trial?
But who are you to tell me how I should have lived my life?
Why should I base my decision on how you’ve conducted yours?
At the end of the day, are we not at the same crossroad?
Albeit, mine with little less heartache than yours.
But I can’t judge what you went through unless I step into your shoes.
So I’ll go to sleep soundly knowing that I waited patiently.
As I know that all great things take time.
And the Great Wall of china wasn’t built in a day.
Even if the i8 preceded many fails.
How many times have you heard that? “Life’s hard”. Maybe it is and maybe it’s as hard as you make it to be. Some people like lemons, and lemonades quench their thirst, to others, it’s a bitter fruit they’d rather do without.
What you call hard might be someone’s else walk in the park.
I’m not claiming to have figured it out but I’ve realised when looking back in hindsight at a situation that I thought I couldn’t deal with, the only thing that decapitated me and made the situation ten times worse, where my thoughts of it.
Why is it that we’re so quick to whine and moan and bring ourselves down but hold back when it’s time to give ourselves a pat on the back for work done fantastically ? If life was easy, nobody would thrive. There would be no growing or challenge! I know I’d rather a two minutes sprint in the park with the bitter wind beating against my face than a continuous stroll.
Life’s not hard. Life is wonderful! And you have got to get yours.
It’s like everytime I try to open up, there’s a voice pulling me back
In the middle of the day all I think about is you
This feeling is alien to me
With you is where I feel safe
You have me crying out for more
I count down the minutes until we next reconcile
But I’ve got big dreams with my promise on them
Don’t make promises you don’t plan to keep
God knows I hold them high
And I know you have yours to reach
But who says we can’t have both
I’m tired of pretending
What do you say?
Let’s remove the masks
I’m angry. Pissed off. Just disappointed. Perhaps not even that. I’m angry that I’ve let the small words of negativity seep inside, angry that when I thought I was letting it slide like a water off a ducks back, I was in fact telling you that it was ok.
But it’s not. And it never will be. Why should I? Why do we? All these rules and do’s and shouldn’ts. I no longer care for the “how not to be awkward” class I missed but everyone else seemed to have attended. I will no longer apologise for declaring my admiration to someone I do not know if I am intoxicated at 3am. That’s a compliment, take it or don’t. Who said you shouldn’t wear your heart on your sleeves? Show your cards before they reveal theirs? When did this game start and why didn’t I get a say in the rules? So what if I want to
Why do we find it easier to talk about our negatives and come up blank when talking about our strengths? I definitely know if it was you I was talking about, the list positives would be endless!
So yes, I am going to spend Saturday night in my room on my own rather than busting some moves in town because that’s what I want to do. I am going to compliment the stranger that just walked by on their perfume because they smell wonderful rather than consider whether it’s socially acceptable first. Yes I’d rather not eat chicken without giving you a whole load of spiel as to why that is. Yes I want to lifts heavy iron in gym purely because I want to, not because I want to look like Beyoncé. And no I don’t care if I looked so ripped that you find it unattractive!
Have you ever thought how the only thing that ever stands in your way to accomplish anything is (almost) always fear?
Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of disappointing.
But in the end you can never know for sure until you do the act! It’s always your thoughts that hold you back or someone saying you shouldn’t because of this or that happened to them or someone else or you have you be “realistic”.
When did we become scared to try?
From the moment we were born! We couldn’t walk, yet we tried and fell and tried again until our own two feet held us up. So what happened along the way? The need to get everyone’s approval or to not be judged? Or when you’re let down and you pretend it didn’t affect you or hurt, so you make a joke of it and laugh it off.
No. I am disappointed and it’s hurt but I won’t let it affect me.
Don’t ask me to not trust the next person to walk into my life because of the past. See the beauty in each and every one us, in you! Because we are a miracle and we are marvellous. Every second, you are fighting to be alive! Each cell in your body is working hard, you’re not mediocre. Maybe you aren’t capable of breathing without the help of a machine, or you’re paralysed from the neck down or the doctors say you have 2 months to live… Yet you are still here? These are all predictions and limitations brought forward by their/our thoughts.
How about what you can do…?
Can you believe at one point on this earth, there was no planes but then someone had an idea to fly!? Bless them. And it developed and now we have planes! Imagine that!?
I guess what I’m trying to say is: don’t let your doubts shadow your light. Be brave, even if it’s getting out of bed, it’s the first step and it’s enough. You DO matter and so does everyone else so be kind and believe in yourself.
So what if you do fail? But what if you succeed!
Maybe it’s because I’ve been listening to Westlife since I woke up and The Rose always gets to me but I think I’ve just understood “love” a little bit more. It dawned on me how much I actually love my mother. I thought of how… infuriating it’d be without her, granted, from a selfish point of view but still. She is the only person who truly knows me. The good, the bad and ugly. The really ugly. Yet she’s puts up with it, day in, day out. Always patient. Always understanding.
Now I’m not a touchy/feely person and I never miss her when we’re away from each other nor want to give her a hug when reunited like she always wants to but I had an overwhelming feeling to do so and tell her how much I love and appreciate all that she does for us.
I guess I understand why some people always tell each other that they love the other whenever they part because you don’t know what the future holds, you want you parent, your child, your lover, your friend, to at least know that they were loved if anything should happen to you or them. But I didn’t like it because most of the time it seemed as though it lost its meaning along the way, a thing said on autopilot.
I felt guilty as I don’t tell anyone I love them unless I truly feel it which is hardly ever.
Then I felt sad for all the people who lost their parents or who have them but they don’t care.
There’s a quote from One Tree Hill that has always stuck with me, something along the lines of
a new born is a sign that god still hasn’t given up on us
And it hit me. Regardless of whether you’re an atheist or believer in some 9 headed body… I’ve lost where I was going with this….
Basically.. It breaks my heart that someone can hurt or hate such a delicate creature, this little bundle of joy. Now I know we don’t make it easy, growing up, demanding attention, money for clothes due to growth spurts every 3 months, play time when you’re exhausted but what sort of humanKIND would you have to be to hate such a gift?
Or when I see children as little as 7 spitting out hate at some people or things that they don’t even understand because of what they’ve been told at home or they’re simply mirroring what their guardians do, to get their approval or whatever, I’m no psychologist. But what do you gain from planting the seeds of hate into such a young mind other than a darker future for us all?
So yeah, I’ll try to be more appreciative and show those I love how much I care for them even though it’s easier said than done when you let the everyday petty things get in the way.
Last Saturday was one of those days where I spent all day in bed, “on the line”, in my head. And then I had a shower at night, it was one of those where the sound of the rushing water slows my movements but then I think I’m in hurry when I know that I’m not. My thoughts come hurling through my brain at a hundred miles per second and I question everything and seem to be thinking about everything all at once.
I wanted to write about it and had the idea of WordPress to blog it but by the time I had the phone in my hand, the brain crashed and I fell asleep and all the thoughts became a distant memory yet to be revived, I am sure.
I heard or read somewhere something along the lines of ‘if you gave someone your all then what are you left with but an empty shell?’
So here I am making a third one when my second is hardly touched. Even the inspiration for this one was hanging on a thread as looking for an available username/ URL is looong!
Why can’t there be two of us? I’m looking you; “hakunamatata” “supercalifragilisticexpealidocious” “anonymous”